I am out of control..

Woke up one fine morning

Sunshine hurting my eyes

Looked at the floor

And there saw pieces of me.

So much changed

In one night hard to believe

But then as truth lay on the floor

I wasn’t dreaming anymore.

I reached out to the clock by bed

Tick tock meant it happened

I wish I could have stopped it,

Too much to handle couldn’t comprehend.

With brain in overdrive and body in pain,

It’s a different world I was to face today.

A prisoner of my own thoughts,

Slave to my nightmares,

Billions around me,

I don’t know who cares.

It’s a pain excruciating, a clot my friend says.

It should pass away I am told, maybe in weeks if not days.

Yet the pain is sweet,

Pain I want to keep.

Pain makes me relive moments,

Which my conscious wants to suppress deep.

A constant fight continues

Between what I want and what’s good.

Between heart and mind.

None gives up,

Even when my body does.

I feel worn out, I wish to rest.

I am out of control,

And my willpower desists.

I am not me, pain has changed a lot.

Time flows though

Someday I will give it a shot.

Sun hasn’t set yet, I won’t let it.

Someday I will outgrow this for me,

And from then on I will truly be free.