It’s you I always want around

It would be unfair to feelings,

To give them words,

When I felt I had seen enough,

It’s you I always want around.

Not an addiction, but a belief.

In me, for me.

Forever the way, you will be.

It’s you I always want around.

Like the light in your eyes,

And its reflection in mine.

And when it radiates feeling called love

It’s you I always want around.

The square foot world we share,

And not a soul would venture in,

For the two hearts to beat in unison,

It’s you I always want around.

Because so much we do by ourselves,

And yet things seem pointless.

To give my heart beats a meaning,

It’s you I always want around.

In the starless night,

Or in a shower of pelting rain.

To share its joy, to lessen the pain.

It’s you I always want around.

Completing my chemistry equation,

Or doing a thought multiplication.

To sum you, and me.

It’s you I always want around.

Though world has no idea what you are,

For me till you my world extends.

And to surmise the meaning of our existence,

It’s you I always want around.

Life always has downs and ups,

Sometimes it serves sorrow in golden cups,

That strength to go through it all,

It’s you I always want around.

The truth you know,

Truth I do too.

Truth is you and me,

Is all there is.

You being the W and me being the E,

It’s you I always want around.

 

Tuu nadaan hi sahi....

Suna tha na jaane kitno se

Ki khushnaseeb hoon main tere mera hone se.

Pal woh the haseen
Tha jo tumpe yakeen.
Lekin ab toh khud aayina dekhne ke kaabil
nahi raha main.

Yaadon ko apne andar simte hue hoon,
teri awaaz baar baar sunta rahoon.
teri tasveer zinda jaise mujhe dekhe,
Par kya karun main in sab ko leke.
Tere hone ka ehsaas
Na jaane kahan gum ho gaya.

In aankhon ko tera intezaar aaj bhi hai,
Thoda sa aitbaar tumpe aaj bhi hai.
ki tuu aaye aur pooche mujhe
ki tum hote kaun ho mujhse judaa hone waale.
Koi maanega nahi shayad inn baton ko,
mujhe matlab sirf tumse hai.

Kabhi meri ruh ke andar ke khaalipan ko mehsoos kar zara,
Kabhi apne dil se pooch aur dimaag ko bataa.
Pyaar tumne bhi kabhi kiya tha mujhse,
Aur kitna jhoot bologi khud se?
Jab tak hai saansein tera intezaar rahega,
tuu nadaan hi sahi tumse pyaar humesha rahega…

#06 Wireless Love

Love letters, roses, proposing on one knee, calling at random time to say those magic words, who does that? and magic words? Excuse me?
With the advent of internet and social networking sites, certain aspects of romance and relationships have gone for a toss. And before I continue let me tell you what those magic words are. I love you. In case you happen to be a teenager and somebody speaks about magic words, remember those.

Getting back to romance and internet.  There was a time when romance was without internet and mobile phones. Those hand written love letters, proposals, roses had and still has more originality and power than sending ecards, texts, emails, emoticons. Along with these there has been change in values of affection, trust, faith. The mass appeal of social networking sites has made us emotionally handicap. Now here I wish to divert a little bit. Into long distance relationships and relationships. I will discuss the former because its the one that has more impact of internet than the latter.

Finding somebody cute or hot, liking their photos, adding them, chatting, flirting, then video chats, exchanging numbers and if everything goes well, real physical encounter, two people click, well and good. they don't. NEXTTT! I wonder wheres the feeling part in this. Just attraction?
People despise such over the internet relationships mainly because of two reasons. One is that anybody can fake looks and pretend to be somebody they aren't. Two is that lack of physical contact, touch. Besides always a risk of cheating. Who knows, he may be telling many girls the exact same thing. How are you supposed to believe that? And wait, how is he supposed to believe you? Problem? Not exactly.

While it may be easy to fake expressions over the wireless world, its not easy to decieve someone mentally. Certain signs, actions, these join two distant partners in an invisible thread of trust. that HE IS THE ONE feeling arises. If you are even a little smart you can easily make out the fake from the real. And no I don't agree that proximity is an absolute necessity to love someone. There are people who are close, they are the best of friends, they secretly love each other and yet cant tell. Proximity isn't a necessity. Communication is. Being clear about the feelings, expression of even the littlest of doubts. Jumping to conclusion is one thing that can spoil any relationship. There must be millions of people out there in long distance relationships, but then how many are for real? Is your love true? Controversial to say the least.

Let me tell you about mine. Yes mine is wireless love. Proudly so. My partner and I live just a little under 2000km far. We are happy over the daily telephonic conversations we have, the occasional skype and texting. We keep our relationship alive by feeding it with constant doses of love, making each other laugh, teasing, sharing the nostalgia of our last encounter. Most of all, we believe in a world composed of just two souls, two of ours. Others are just supporting us. We are far yet together. And from my experience I can happily conclude that a faithful partner far is much better than a doubtful one close.
And no, she isn't incredibly pretty nor am I immensely handsome. We are just two happy souls living in our love world.

Wireless love, desirable or not? Your choice. Partners living next door have no gurentee of their relationship leave wireless love aside. Be true to your partner and most importantly be true to yourself. You cant cheat yourself. Stay blessed. :)

#04 Reboot without restart

Reboot? Restart? You are probably wondering why I have suddenly started writing on technical stuff. Well no, nothing like that. I got a call in the evening and the person on the other side made me introspect. Conversation lasted for half an hour, can you believe, an absolute stranger calls you up one fine evening and you start looking within yourself. But it happened.

To begin with, since I started living with my parents since I turned 10, life hasn't been easy going for me, till now. You might react saying whose life is easy? Everyone has problems. Nobody showcases. I am saying Lets say my life had some unexpected transitions. From Konkani Medium primary school to English medium secondary. Comfort of grandma`s place to new environment of my parents place. New city. To idea of joining vocational training in Frankfinn Institute and then entering work life at the age of 19. Not everybody goes through all this. Do they?

Coming back to introspection. It had mainly been about whats been bothering me. The way she had walked away was completely unexpected. I had myself felt I did nothing wrong. I was only shown something that I wasn't aware of during introspection and it actually made sense. Somehow those words cleared the air I had between her and me. One more call and I had my smile back. Her voice subtle as her usual self. Few things said and i had my too much in my life. As shockingly she had stepped out, she entered back. Awesome surprise.

One thing though I tell you. One must learn to adjust for any relationship to go on. You cant control someone, you cant clap with one hand. Talk but listening is equally important. Express but also understand. Love doesn't happen again and again in the exact same way. Let your ego stand way aside. Soul mates are meant for support,care, nurture and most importantly affection. Someone you share every moment of your life with. Someone you accept with all their shortcomings, someone accepting you for yours. While Unconditional love is only seen in films. Love is something essential for us humans, like oxygen, like food. Our brain feeds on thoughts and love is a vital catalyst for those to be good.

About this pic, I was 13 at that time and dad had brought the very first digicam. a 6 megapixel Sony S600. One of the childhood memories. My first delight. For photography is my passion now. While it may be past 14th November in India, I want to wish people in the other parts of the world. A very happy children's day. A child is always in us says psychology. Let that child come out. Aakhir me dil toh baccha hai ji.

I cant express my happiness in words. Its like a dream come true. Happiness has no measurement. A new beginning has begun. One with reboot without restart. We let go of what held us back. Started afresh without going off totally. Staying positive and hoping for the best.

Koi bigaadta hai kuch,
Toh banata bhi hai.
Kabhi aansu tohfe me deta hai,
Toh hasi ki chuskiyan bhi pilata hai.
Zindagi hai tere mere naam ki ab.
Saath rehna hai sada, dekhte hai koi kya bigaad paata hai.

#03 missing you? Not really...

Was uploading photos from my DSLR to computer, came across some photographs which took me right back to the time, the memories we created together. the remnants of the unforgettable time we had in October first week. While you may not be in my life, every little thing around me, be it your LOL ka l o l batana ya tere dimaag se upar jaane waale gaane. Those memories we shared, I have no idea what you feel about them but for me they are priceless.

I feel its taken that when you want to spend the rest of your life with someone you begin to study their every little habit. Right from things they want to hear or want you to avoid, till their ring size. You adapt so that they can be comfortable with you. You sacrifice certain aspects of your lifestyle for them, you forget time, you fear. because nothing can absolutely keep someone with you forever and yet guarantee you that. No, minds change, all you have to do is best you can do. Like how I was, the best of myself. I made you my world. I kept track of everything you did at every moment of time. Right now as you are probably reading this I know what exactly is going through your mind. Its a connection like no other. I forgot myself in your love.

Sometimes I just cant believe that you`re gone. Like yesterday I was holding you in my arms and today I am all by myself. I genuinely loved you. Maybe time wanted this to happen. How foolish I was, I made you my destination. A soulmate is supposed to walk along, not meant to be walked to. I still cant believe you said those words I LOVE YOU TOO. when you never had any intentions of meaning them. While my heart asks many questions, I have one thing to say. How I was with you, I wont be with you ever again, that part of me vanished the day you left me.

Having hard time accepting the fact that you chose someone else over me, am I missing you? Not really. I am nostalgic. Memories are mine. I will cherish them like how one keeps their most valued belongings.

Stay tuned for more posts. :)

To the girl whose presence makes my heart beat

Magic till now I had only seen
In the movies and in my dreams
Then you enter my life suddenly
and life seems like a fantasy really
yet its not, we are real.
May be it is the gods will.
Amongst darkness I was surrounded
Dream as though it all sounded.
My breaths until I found you, were only mine,
With yours together they got definition fine.
Since I was a kid I tell you, never felt like this,
Being around you, being yours, being heard touched, nothing I wanna miss.
Peace in your presence around
I found my world in you.
Not a promise of forever this
You are where my happiness is.
I dont need to tell how really i feel,
Just look into my eyes and see it for real.
Love you Too much

You were my life

You were in my life,

Like bliss to my soul.

Then I could barely sleep,

Reality was more fascinating,

Used to wait,

For my phone to ring.

One sign and I would rush,

Just to see you.

Was addicted,

Like a drug you were to me.
The addiction of which,

I had slowly begun to love.

Every morning my eyes,

Wanting to rise with sunshine yours.

And that killer smile,

Lurking in them still.

Just like sea I know,
Life too is transient.

Too stubborn to accept

That I have a life too.
For my life were you.

Time just flew,

We made no promises,

Knowing they will be broken.

Perhaps we knew something,

This wasn’t permanent too.

 

 The day you turned away,

Never believed you did.

Because my heart I believed,

Was permanently locked with yours.

I asked you time and again why,

You just moved away.

Did you ever realize?

How it feels,

To face the broken mirror,

Every day to see parts

Of glass but myself scattered.

Not that I couldn’t get

Someone just that I am too

Arrogant, stubborn because all

I need is you.

You are my once in a lifetime.

A wiff from the past

What magic you did on my heart,
Year seems like a decade had gone apart.

Sometimes it seems like yesterday we spent together,
And sometimes like as if it’s been forever.

In my sleep, I can feel you in my dreams,
When I open my eyes it seems so real.

Then I realize no more you are a part-of my life,
That have you have pushed me away, alone.

Just can’t accept anyone else now,
My heart though its broken, is still with you.

Untitled

Things change, yet not all,
We don't get everything, often we fall.

It was mine yesterday, today gone,
dear to me and my only one.

Cherished, worshiped and yet not mine,
and time took a twist, one very fine.

Came a storm, confidant It would have withstood,
but I was wrong, god was rude.

It took all my life with it, before I could notice,
Been through a lot already, but never anything like this.

Memories remain, desires forever gone.
Without my life now, I am all alone.

Yet a a flame burns within, one of hope.
This has become enough, I can no more cope.

Why did you do this, Can I know why?
Was it worth the hurt you caused, when you said Silent Goodbye?